The Power of Positive Communication in Marriage

15 October, 2017

Power Of Positive Communication

Proverbs 18 verse 21

Pastor Sola Mabogunje


Communication is the art of passing across ideas, thoughts, feelings or information to someone else and receiving a feedback. One cannot be said to have effectively communicated until the receiver understands what you are trying to pass across. All human relationships, including marriage, are nourished by communication. It has been proven that marriage is 85 percent communication. If the communication line in marriage is broken or left unattended, the marriage will suffer. Communication is vital in marriage; it is its lifeblood. Therefore, it is dangerous for a couple to have poor communication styles. Each day a couple refuses to communicate, a gap is created.

Communication can either be positive or negative. It is said to be positive if it is good, useful and beneficial. If it is bad and harmful, then it is negative. Negative communication destroys a person’s physical, spiritual and mental wellbeing. To a large extent, many marriages are destroyed because of negative communication styles. During stressful times, hurtful and damaging words are spoken. “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health” (Proverbs 12:18). The effect of positive and negative words is evident in a marriage. Some spouses threaten their partner with divorce and, with time, their words manifest in the physical realm.

Positive communication has an incredible impact on a marriage. If you make someone happy, you’re likely to provoke the person to do the same to you and to behave better. Don’t fall for the deception that you need to remind your spouse about their faults; they are already aware. In case they are unaware, pointing out their flaws will only reinforce those flaws. Constant criticism damages your partner’s confidence and self-esteem and it does not achieve the desired change. Even God doesn’t improve us by reminding us of everything that is wrong with us. Whatever you repeat, you will entrench!

You have to be deliberate about your choice of words when relating with your spouse. Don’t say words you will regret. You don’t have a right to say whatever you feel when you are angry. Remember, “Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26).

There is a difference between your behaviour and potential. God created us to excel but the world system, with its negativity, has calculator salarii programmed us to fail. If you listen to what the world says long enough, you will go in that direction. Whenever God wants to change a man, as seen in the case of Gideon, He speaks to our potential. God called Gideon a “mighty man of valour” even though he was a coward at the time of their meeting.

Words are very tangible; they can be felt. Your marriage will never go beyond the level of the words you speak. Your words create the atmosphere in your home and they shape it. If the atmosphere in your home is negative today, it is as a result of negative words spoken yesterday. No one likes calculator salariu staying in a negative environment. Matthew 12:36 shows that we will give an account of every careless word we speak. Isn’t that enough reason to be deliberate about our choice of words? 

In the spiritual realm, what we refer to as spiritual warfare are words. The greatest spiritual warfare that took place was in the wilderness between Jesus and Satan. What weapons did they use? Words! Words are seeds.

Marriage wasn’t designed to be difficult. Something is only difficult when we lack knowledge. You need to learn to choose your words carefully to help to build your spouse. If you want to be happy, you have to be deliberate. To have a happy marriage requires sacrifice. It’s surprising how we make sacrifices on our jobs and businesses but we fail to make sacrifices when it comes to marriage. Don’t insist on being right when you hurt your partner’s feelings.

For the men, as the head of the family, your number one role is to give your family an identity. A man must use his words to affirm his son into manhood and his daughter into womanhood. He must also build his wife’s self-esteem and bring out all the potential inside her.

Let me also ask you, what would it be like, to live with a spouse who encourages you every day? Heaven on earth, I guess. I have experienced it and I know that it is possible. Remember that the power to make your home heaven on earth is within you. How often do you say positive words to your spouse? Do you wait for them to do something good or are you deliberate about praising them?

God is an advocate of carefully chosen words. “Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.” (Ephesians 4:29 GNB)

I leave you with this challenge, for the next thirty days, you are not allowed to criticise your partner. Not only that, you are to encourage them daily with positive words.


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